"The X-Files" (TM) and (C) Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation.

This is an UNOFFICIAL transcript to be used for commentary and criticism purposes ONLY.

5x01 Unusual Suspects



Man: Let's do it.
Man: Hey, how you doing?
Man: Quite a little party. What do you know?
Man: We got reports of at least a dozen shots fired. Door looks like it's been jimmied, but the alarm wasn't tripped.
Man: Did you see anybody come out?
Man: Not a soul. Whoever it is, they're still in there.
Man: Move. Move. Move.
Man: Lieutenant... over here. Looks like someone got hit.
Man: So, where did he go?
Man: Stay low, but keep looking.
Man: Davis. Gonzalez.
Man: Yeah.
Man: Take it easy, buddy. Take it easy.
Mulder: They're here.
Man: You hurt?
Mulder: They're here.
Man: Who's here?
Mulder: They're here.
Man: Talk to us. Who's here? Come on.
Man: Get down! Police!
Byers: Don't shoot!
Langly: Don't shoot!
Man: Turn around, slowly!
Frohike: We didn't do it.
Man: Do what?
Frohike: Whatever.
Man: Face down on the floor. Now! Get down! Get down! Get down!
Man: All right, cuff 'em.
Man: Spread 'em.
Langly: Oh, man.
Mulder: They're here! They're here! They're here! They're here! They're here! They're here!

[opening credits]

MAY 1989

Langly: We're screwed. Thank you so much for getting me involved in this, doohickey.
Frohike: "Frohike," you hippie jerk.
Langly: Doohickey.
Frohike: You know, with that long blonde hair you'll be the first one in here that gets traded for cigarettes. I'm going to be laughing my ass off.
Langly: Oh, yeah? You want to cha-cha?
Frohike: Anytime, anyplace.
Byers: Both of you, relax.
Langly: Shut up, you narc.
Frohike: It's your fault we're here.
Cop: You, in the suit. You first.
Munch: Detective munch, Baltimore Homicide.
Byers: Did they find her?
Munch: And a good evening to you. Sorry. No sign of your mystery lady.
Byers: She is real. The FBI agent saw her.
Munch: Yeah, well, special agent... Mulder is currently being held in five-point restraints jabbering like a monkey. The FBI's not talking, either. So what I'm looking at here is a warehouse break-in with nothing stolen... a shoot-out, but no guns... lots of blood, but no bodies, and an FBI agent who likes to take off all his clothes, and talk about space aliens. Fill me in, from the top. Start with your name and birthdate.
Byers: John Fitzgerald Byers, 11-22-63.
Munch: Seriously.
Byers: I was named after J.F.K. Before the assassination, my parents were going to call me "Bertram."
Munch: Lucky you. Occupation?
Byres: I work for the government... for the moment.
Munch: And what do you do for the government, for the moment?
Byers: I'm a public affairs officer for the Federal Communications Commission. It was in that capacity that I was attending the Computer and Electronic Show at the Baltimore Convention Center. It was where the whole thing started, just this morning. We at the FCC enjoy forging positive ties with the American public. It's our way of saying "communication" is just another word for "sharing."

Byers: Hi, guys. You like a button?
Man: Up yours, narc.

Byers [narrating]: Of course, some people don't see it like that. At any rate, that was where I first saw her.

Byers: Would you like a but-button?

Susanne: I...

Byers [narrating]: I'm still not sure why I did what I did next. It was so unlike me. There was just something about her.

Byers: Ken, I'm going to take a short break, OK?
Ken: Whatever.
Frohike: Hello, pretty lady. Picture this: Crystal-clear television, 33 channels worth, with no monthly cable bill.
Susanne: Excuse me?
Frohike: I know what you're thinking. "Melvin, are you out of your mind? No cable bill?" That's what I'm saying. And I'm talking premium channels here, too. You got your HBO, you got your Cinemax, you got your Showtime--all courtesy of this modestly priced marvel, designed and built by the Frohike Electronics Corporation.
Langly: There's a name that inspires consumer confidence.
Frohike: Shut up, punk. Where were we?
Langly: Hey, lady. If you want to watch Matlock with Andy Griffith all blue and squiggly, go ahead and buy from this guy. If you want quality bootlecable, you talk to me.
Frohike: If you want a converter that'll short out and burn your house down, definitely talk to this guy.
Langly: That was a one-time fluke. I heatsink every breadboard.
Frohike: What about co-ax loss? Do you use the RG6/U or the 52-OHM RG-8?
Langly: Trick question. It's a 9913.
Frohike: Big man.
Langly: Ah-narc!
Byers: Oh! Oh! I'm sorry. She's very cute [picture].
Susanne: Yes. She is. Thank you.
Byers: Wait. Um... Uh... You just look like you could use some help.
Susanne: So, my daughter turned three years old last week. Last Tuesday was her birthday. I hope he remembered that.
Byers: Her... her father took her from you?
Susanne: My former boyfriend. He kidnapped her. It's a long story. Basically, I got involved with a man who turned out to be a complete psychotic.
Byers: Yeah?
Suzanne: We were only together a few months. I was attracted to him because he was dark and mysterious, and then he just kept getting darker and more mysterious. I got pregnant, and he left. And then, he suddenly came back and took her, about six months ago.
Byers: That's terrible. Did you call the police?
Susanne: Of course. The police, and then private investigators. They were surprisingly unhelpful.
Byers: That's unbelievable.
Susanne: At least I managed to get a couple of leads. I was told he's in the Baltimore area, so here I am.
Byers: Well, that's a start.
Susanne: Yeah. Except, he now knows that I'm looking for him. And the closer I get, the more dangerous he becomes.
Byers: Are you... worried he might harm your daughter?
Susanne: Let's just say I wanna find her, not him. This is the only other lead I've got. That's why I'm here today. This has something to do with computers--doesn't it? The Internet?
Byers: Actually, the Arpanet. It a government network created by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency. You can access it through the Internet, though.
Susanne: Somehow, this means something to my ex-boyfriend. I was hoping it might be a means of finding my daughter.
Byers: If you want, I can go online, try and find out for you.
Susanne: Would you? That... I would really, really appreciate that.
Byers: Uh, by the way, my name's John.
Susanne: Holly. It's nice to meet you.
Byers: Holly. Just like the sugar.
Susanne: Yeah. Just like the sugar.
Byers: That's funny. [to Ken] Ken, could you maybe go take a short break?
Ken: Whatever.
Byers: Okay. Let's see here. So your ex-boyfriend is into computers?
Susanne: I don't really know. I knew very little about him, except that he's psychotic.
Byers: Somehow, this kicked us into the Defense Data Network. I'm sorry, I think this is the end of the line.
Susanne: Isn't there something you could, uh... I mean, how do you say it? Hack into?
Byers: Hack into? No! I mean, technically, yes, I probably could, but this belongs to the Department of Defense. This is a secured site. I mean, I work for the FCC. This is the kind of thing we're trying to stop.
Susanne: Thank you, John. I appreciate your time.
Byers: Wait. You didn't see this.
Susanne: What did you do?
Byers: Oh, it's a government system. I know a couple of login/out tricks with the VMS version five... never mind.
Susanne: Can you look up "Susanne Modeski"? That's my daughter.
Byers: I'll try. There's just no way of telling. Whoo.
Susanne: What is that?
Byers: It's an encrypted file. Why would your three-year-old have an encrypted file in a secret Defense Department database?
Susanne: Can you decode it?
Byers: I'd need some help.
Susanne: Can you print it out for me? My god! Hide!
Byers: What?
Susanne: My ex-boyfriend is out there.
Byers: The psychotic?
Susanne: He must have tracked me here. He's looking for me. Damn it. There he is.

[commercial break]

Frohike: You look like a gentleman who'd appreciate 33 channels of crystal-clear television.
Mulder: No thanks, handsome.
Frohike: Ah, a man of distinction. Punk ass.

Byers [narrating]: It was at this point, we enlisted the help of one Melvin Frohike, computer hacker.

Frohike: Well, hello, pretty lady. Oh, yeah. What's with the narc?

Byers [narrating]: We proceeded to tell him the entire story. I hoped he could assist me in deciphering the encrypted file. It was at this point, however, that Mr. Frohike raised an interesting question.

Frohike: I don't understand. Why don't you just kick this guy's ass?
Byers: What?
Susanne: No. I just want these pages decoded. Can you do that?
Frohike: Sure, baby, my Kung Fu is the best, but it could take hours. I say, cut to the chase. If pretty boy out there can tell us where your daughter is, we must need to go beat it out of him.
Susanne: Bad idea. He's very dangerous.
Frohike: Lady, *I'm* dangerous. All right. So we'll just follow him. For all we know, he's got the girl here, somewhere.
Byers: Holly, it makes sense.
Susanne: No. Just stay away from him.
Frohike: We'll stay back a ways. Just wait for us here. Come on, FCC. What's he doing?
Byers: Talking to somebody.
Frohike: This dude doesn't look so tough. Act casual.
Mulder: Oh... Sorry.
Byers: He's moving.
Mulder: So, fellas... you looking for somebody?
Byers: Just, um... the bathroom.
Mulder: I don't think it's down here. Hey, you with the FCC?
Frohike: What's it to you?
Mulder: I think we share the same credit union. Special Agent Fox Mulder. I'm with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I was hoping maybe you could help me. I'm looking for a girl. I was wondering if you'd seen her. This is her, here. Have you seen her?
Frohike: Sorry.
Mulder: Hmm?
Byers: What did she do?
Mulder: What's it to you? Thanks, guys, all right? [phone] Yeah, Mulder. Oh, hey, Reggie. What's up?

Frohike: What the hell was that all about?
Byers: Her ex-boyfriend is with the FBI?
Frohike: Where'd she go?
Byers: Ken?
Ken: You don't understand. All I did was play "dig dug." I didn't hack into anybody's computer. Seriously, guys--uh, I've got, like, a circulatory problem. I have a tendency to fall down a lot.
Byers: Wait. It was me.
Frohike: What are you doing?
Byers: I hacked into their computer.
Frohike: So you wanna turn yourself in? Are you crazy? A hacker never turns himself in.
Byers: I am not a hacker.
Frohike: Listen, we got FBI agents running around, military police. Whatever the hell is going on around here, it's big, and your lady friend is somehow at the center of it all.
Byers: She needs my help. How can we learn what's going on?
Frohike: The FBI are looking for her. Hack into the FBI Mainframe. I know just the guy who can do it.
Byres: You're talking about a premeditated crime against the United States government.
Frohike: Hey, your second one today. Welcome to the dark side.

Langly: Ok, ladies. Who's down for 50? 50 bucks. Anyone? 50 bucks. Ah, man. My diaper-wearing granny would bet 50. Come on. There's no game here.
Guy: All right. 50.
Langly: Elron the druid bets 50. Cash only, Elron. I don't take no personal checks from the bank of Middle Earth. Come on, natural 20. Daddy needs a new sword of wounding. [to Frohike] What's the big idea of bringing the narc in here?
Frohike: Me and the narc have a proposition for you.
Langly: What proposition?
Frohike: The coolest hack in the world.
Guy: Lord manhammer?
Langly: Say it. Say it.
Frohike: Your Kung Fu is the best.

Langly: Here. Make yourself useful.
Byers: What does this do?
Frohike: Besides overheat and burn the hotel down?
Langly: It's a loop line shunt. Anyone who tries to trace us will get bounced around by C&P's call-forwarding software. My personal invention.
Byers: My god. I'm gonna get fired. I'm gonna go to jail. I deserve to go to jail.
Frohike: Shut up already. What do you need me to do?
Langly: Just watch and learn. Bingo. Government hack is a snap. Last week, I hacked into the Maryland DMV. Changed my endorsement, so I could handicap park. I got tinnitus. What now?
Frohike: Look up the FBI Agent. What was his name?
Byers: Mulder.
Langly: Is that your boy?
Frohike: Fox William Mulder, born 10/13/61. Degree in psychology from Oxford University. Top of his class at Quantico. Commendations out the yin-yang. Currently attached to the Violent Crimes Unit. Single. There's nothing in here about him being a psycho, or having a daughter.
Byers: Try, under active cases, "Holly Modeski."
Langly: Nada. No case file.
Byers: Try the daughter, "Susanne Modeski." She's Susanne Modeski?
Frohike: "Employee at the Army Advanced Weapon Facility at Whitestone, New Mexico."
Byers: Whitecorps.
Langly: Man, look at this. It says here she blew up one of their labs, killed four people, including the M.P. who tried to stop her at the gate.
Frohike: "Subject Modeski is considered unstable and delusional. Intellectually brilliant, yet prone to confabulation and fits of violent behavior."
Langly: "Psychotic and profoundly paranoid."
Frohike: "Armed and extremely dangerous. Do not approach. Call immediately for backup."

[Susanne comes in]

[commercial break]

Susanne: You've been reading about me. My name is Susanne Modeski, not Holly. I'm... I was an organic chemist for the Advanced Weapons Facility, but I never blew up any lab, and I certainly never killed anybody. All I did was try to quit. I don't have a job, I just quit.
Byers: What about your daughter?
Susanne: I don't have one. I'm sorry.
Byers: The photo?
Susanne: Came with the wallet. You wouldn't have believed the truth, obviously, and I desperately needed your help.
Byers: For what, exactly?
Susanne: To get this. I still need it deciphered. This has in it everything I need to expose the United States government's plot against its own people--one I unwittingly helped to forward by developing the ergotamine-histamine gas.
Langly: Ergotamine-hist...?
Susanne: "E.H." for short. It's an aerosolized gas which, in small doses, causes anxiety and paranoia in its subject.
Frohike: Paranoia? Gotcha.
Susanne: Secret forces within the government plan to test this gas on the American people, right here in Baltimore. I am not making this up. Don't you get it? Nobody is safe. Look what they did to J.F.K.
Byers: What did they do to J.F.K.?
Susanne: Dallas, 1963? Hello? They want to control every aspect of our lives, from the cradle to the grave. They practically do, already. Hotel Bible. Who do you think put this here?
Langly: The government?
Susanne: One in every hotel room in America. It's the perfect vessel for electronic surveillance. No one ever questions its presence.
Frohike: Now, I'm sorry. You are telling me that the U.S. government, the same government that gave us Amtrak...
Langly: ...not to mention the Susan B. Anthony dollar...
Frohike: ...is behind some of the darkest, most far-reaching conspiracies on the planet? That's just crazy!
Langly: I mean, like, this guy works for the government.
Susanne: I'll prove it to you. Just help me decipher this. What do you say, guys?

Byers [narrating]: Of course, at that point, we didn't feel like we had much choice.

Frohike: Get it off me. Langly, what's taking so long?
Langly: It should be up any second.
Frohike: Oh, yeah. Here we go. Far out. Thank god for supercomputers.
Byers: "The surprise defection of Dr. Susanne Modeski is a blow to the program, though not a fatal one. The timetable remains unchanged. The first E.B.O. will occur in the Baltimore-Washington corridor within one week's time."
Langly: What's an E.B.O.?
Susanne: Engineered Biological Operation--toxic organic agents used on humans.
Byers: "Security risks are being attenuated. Dr. Modeski's team has been processed and plausible denial constructed."
Susanne: Which is another way of saying that they've murdered my research associates and placed the blame on me. Now do you understand? Wait. Here it is. "E-H product is presently warehoused at 204 Fells Point Road, lot number A-9000, awaiting E.B.O." This is it.
Byers: "Subject Modeski currently monitored around the clock. Covert electronics installed per Dr. Michael Kilbourne, 11-6-88." Who's Dr. Michael Kilbourne?
Susanne: My dentist. Excuse me. [goes to the bathroom]
Byers: What do you think?
Langly: That thing about her dentist...
Byers: Dr. Modeski? Get in here! My god! What did you do?
Susanne: Look at it. Look at it! [the tooth]
Frohike: Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?
Byers: What's the address of that warehouse?

Munch: Where's the tooth?
Byers: We flushed it. We were afraid it would give away our location. So... we broke into the warehouse.

Langly: Here it is! A-9000, right?
Byers: Asthma medicine?
Susanne: This is how they plan on distributing the gas--in asthma inhalers. This is their random test. Now we've got proof.
Mulder: Stay where you are. I'm a federal agent. Susanne Modeski, you are under arrest for the murders of four people at Whitestone Army Base.
Byers: She didn't do it.
Frohike: She's innocent.
Langly: Yeah.
Mulder: You three are under arrest, also. Ma'am, stay where you are.
Byers: Just listen! There's more going on here than meets the eye.
Mulder: You three get on the ground, now! Ma'am, stop moving. I'm not going to ask you again.
Man: Dr. Modeski, please come with us.
Mulder: Federal agent. Identify yourself.
Man: Ma'am, come with us.
Mulder: Step forward and identify yourselves now!
[lotsa shooting]
[guys aim at Mulder. Susanne kills them]
Byers: Susanne?!

[X comes in, looks at Mulder]
X: Sanitize it.

[commercial break]

Mulder: They're here.
Man: I'm alive. I'm alive!
Byers: Who are you people? What authority do you have to do this?
Langly: Shut up, Byers.
Man: Bag him? [Mulder]
X: No one touches this man.
Byers: Excuse me.
Langly: Byers...
Byers: Sir? Why are you doing this? You people framed Susanne Modeski. You plan to test that chemical on an unwitting public. Why? For what possible reason?
Frohike: Byers, shut up.
Byers: Who gives you the authority?
X: No bags.
Frohike: W-whoa, guys.
[X aim at them from behind]
X: Behave yourselves.
Byers: That's it?! You're just trying to intimidate us--to scare us so we'll keep quiet?
Frohike: Byers, I swear to God, I'll shoot you myself.
Byers: It's all true what Susanne said about you people, isn't it? About John F. Kennedy, Dallas?
X: I heard it was a lone gunman.

Byers [narrating]: That was the last we saw of him. Almost immediately, the police got there. We... panicked and hid. You know the rest.
Munch: Do I look like Geraldo to you? Don't lie to me like I'm Geraldo. I'm not Geraldo!

Langly: Oh, man. It's not all a bad dream. I am in hell.
Frohike: Oh, women.
Langly: Ain't it the truth?
Byers: What do you mean, "women"?
Langly: You know exactly what he means. Your molar-pulling girlfriend roped us in and left us swinging in the breeze.
Byers: Is that what you meant?
Frohike: Look, she is hot, but you got to admit we're here because of her.
Byers: I'm here because I wanted to learn the truth. I assume that was the same for you. Susanne opened my eyes to it. She doesn't owe me anything. If there was some way I could help her still, I'd... I'd do it in a second.
Munch: Apparently, agent Mulder came to and verified your warehouse story--at least, what little he seems to recall of it. Three cheers for the FBI. You guys are free to go. Come on. Let's go. Here's a tip: Aluminum foil makes a lovely hat and it blocks out the government's mind control rays. Keep you guys out of trouble.

Cop: One green nylon wallet containing $38 in cash. One... whatever in the hell this is.
[Munch takes it away]
Cop 2: Detective? We got a stolen car that turned up at the train station. It's the one the FBI agent was driving.
Munch: Okay.
Byers: Susanne must have taken Mulder's car last night. She left it at the train station.
Langly: So?
Byers: So, maybe we can catch up with her.
Frohike: Where? She took a train.
Byers: She's too smart for that. Don't you see? She just--she just meant to throw them off.
Langly: She said she wanted to go public.
Frohike: The Baltimore Guardian is only a couple of blocks down from the train station.

Byers: Susanne!
Susanne: John. They didn't believe my story--not a word of it. Who in their right mind would?
Frohike: What are you gonna do now?
Susanne: Try other newspapers, TV stations. Not give up. Keep trying to find people who will listen--people like you. I appreciate what you did for me--all three of you.
Byers: We still want to help.
Susanne: You already have.
[pubic phone rings]
Langly: Guys...
Susanne: No matter how paranoid you are, you're not paranoid enough. Tell the truth. Reach as many people as you can with it. That's your weapon.

[car drives around the corner, they grab Susanne]
Byers: Susanne?!

Frohike: You feeling better?
Mulder: Yeah, I am. Thank you. I just, um... I have these weird ideas in my head that I can't seem to shake.
Frohike: What kind of ideas?
Mulder: Weird ones.
Langly: Y-you going to bust us?
Mulder: I'm not sure yet. I just spoke with my A.S.A.C., and he tells me that Dr. Susanne Modeski is no longer wanted by the FBI. She's still missing, but the case is suddenly closed. What I need from you guys, is to tell me what the hell happened last night.
Byers: You want the truth?
Mulder: Yeah, I want the truth.
Byers: You might wanna sit down. This is going to take a while. The truth is, none of us is safe. Secret elements within the United States government seek to surveille us, and control our lives.
Mulder: What?!
Langly: Tell him about the hotel room bibles.
Byers: Mmm. Yeah. I'm coming to that. It all started with Susanne Modeski.

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