Scully's Tech Support

[This ain't mine. Not sure whose this is. It was forwarded to atxf on June 16, 2000, and it had to be archived.]

D a n a S c u l l y ' s T e c h S u p p o r t

Dear Karen
Just to clarify a couple of points. Firstly, it wasn't *my* idea to upgrade from Partner 7.0 to Boyfriend 1.0. Partner 7.0's writers- who admittedly have a poor track record on ideas at times - convinced me that upgrading to Boyfriend 1.0 would ensure the longevity and stability of my local area network (LAN). I was not aware at the time that many of the users of the network were so completely satisfied with the performance of Partner 7.0 that they would rather switch off their machines than continue operating without Partner 7.0. I now fully sympathise with their POV, as I myself find myself unable to operate according to nominal specifications without the ability to access Partner 7.0, no matter what dubious attractions Boyfriend 1.0 may hold.

As for Pregnancy 2.0... my belief in my system being unable to support it was, again, a convincing tale told to me by Partner 7.0's writers. I should have realised that such words were designed to deceive, inveigle and obsfucate... and basically convince me that these people a) knew what they were doing and b) remembered what they had done. I should have known better.

But to reply directly to your response... which, by the way, was as timely as most customer care responses. /sarcasm. (Pardon my bitchiness... I'm hormonal through no apparent fault of my own.) Did I tell you I wanted applications Dinnerout 5.1, Flowers 2.0 and Jewellery 6.1.?? What are you, a McDonald's chain?? Did I mention upgrading to Husband 1.0?? Your response on these levels is so typical of your environment, placating the customer with offers which, after years of successful operating with a particular application, have no relevance to the problem at hand, nor are enticing enough to tempt. In fact, they are downright insulting to my intelligence.

I'm sorry, but I don't care what you do, who you do, or who you have to grease, I want Boyfriend 1.0 removed from my system! Don't think about it, just pick up the phone and make it happen!! And if Partner software will no longer run on my system after installation - and removal - I demand that the writers of both programs get their collective butts together and modify the programming sufficiently to allow successful re-installation. Failing that, I demand an upgrade of both operating systems, and movement from the LAN to the wider area network (WAN). From my brief experience in that environment a few years ago, I am sure both myself and Partner 8.0 would be more than happy. The hours are less, the pay about equal... and frankly I'm sure I wouldn't have to suffer through circumstamces such as the present situation.

As regards Partner 8.0... please do not attempt to improve the features. If there is any changing to be done, Partner 8.0 and I will do it ourselves, thankyouverymuch.

Pregnancy 2.0? I'm sure Partner 8.0 and I can resolve this situation ourselves, and with less frustration and duress for all concerned. Boyfriend 1.0 *can* be in full working order for all I care... it will remain in its shrink-wrap packaging and returned unused. I have no use at all for second-grade substitutes.

And to be absolutely clear on the subject... you have been no help whatsoever.

Up yours
Dana Scully (et al)

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