1-2-3-4-5 all the newbies in the house. Come let's jive
to the X-files newsgroup around the corner we'll go,
say there's a clever FAQ to read but I really don't wanna.

It's been a week since I got online, now I piss people off
And my e-mail chimes, I ask about Mr. X, Deepthroat,
The Bounty Hunter, and Marita,
Now why does Mulder put that X on the window?
I really can't see.

A little bit of newbies running wild,
I need to get Al on my side,
These stupid questions just gotta stop,
One more about the X and I'm gonna pop,

You post the FAQ and they don't see,
They need an IQ by IV,
A few flames, they rant and rave,
To stupidity they are a slave.

Why does a man like you
Take on the brainless bunch and the awful crew
You put a smile on my face with your quick wit,
That's why I love Al and I always will!!!